3 Things to Remember on Your Path to the Better You

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Give a cheer if this sounds familiar:

You found yourself in a rut! Maybe you know how you got there or maybe things got a little crazy and you still can’t figure out just how you found yourself in that place. The walls were closing in when you realized that something had to change. Perhaps the realization was quick or perhaps it happened slowly, until change was poking you right in the chest, telling you that there was no way out but through it. So you decided. You decided that it was time to be a better you.

Are you saying “hoorah”?

Now here you are. Changing. Except it’s not so easy, is it? You wish it could be. You wish that by virtue of wanting to improve, the fractured pieces of your life will magically come together and voila, you’re the better you you’ve always dreamed of! But it’s a wish that won’t come true.

If you are in the midst of making changes in your life – whether these changes are about your personal life, your relationships or your career – and you are finding that these improvements are challenging then this post is for you!


“If you try anything, if you try to lose weight, or to improve yourself, or to love, or to make the world a better place, you have already achieved something wonderful, before you even begin. Forget failure. If things don’t work out the way you want, hold your head up high and be proud. And try again. And again. And again!” – Sarah Dessen


The important thing is to remember that by correctly deducing that you had to make changes, you made the biggest and most important step in becoming a better you. You need to be immensely proud of that. By admitting you need to step up your “life game”, you made a tremendous shift in perspective that will vastly improve your life if you follow through. But you also need to remember that the path to self-improvement is not smooth.

Here are some things to keep in mind as you take on self-improvement:

Change Does Not Happen over Night. Be Patient.

You are a product of conditioning. Through the years, you and your surroundings have taught you to be the not-optimal person you are trying to ascend from. You need to remember this! It isn’t a cop-out and it’s not an excuse. It’s reality.

Now, all those bad behaviours and patterns of thought you have? You can’t will them away! You’re going to have to work at being better. While you figure out how to do that, you need to be patient. You have to give yourself room to grow. Pressuring yourself might feel like it will get results faster but what you’re actually doing is setting yourself up for failures. You will inevitably feel as if your efforts to get on the right path are feeble and that they are not enough to help you become better.

You don’t need to bully yourself into becoming a better person. Instead, give yourself time to make the right course correction for the person you want to be.

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You Will Stumble a Lot and That Is Okay

Your self-destructive tendencies are habitual. Just as we all know that at some point in their road to recovery, an addict will relapse, we should also be very aware that people who are trying to improve themselves hit their own walls. Something will happen that throws you back into the person you’re trying very hard to move away from being.

When that something happens and you find yourself thrust back to your old not-optimal self, you need to remember that this phenomena is a natural part of your journey.

If it all came easy, it wouldn’t be worth it. When you make a mistake, acknowledge and use it as a chance to grow. It’s not about the fall, after all, it’s all about getting back up!

You Won’t Regret It

Think back to a time when you accomplished something but the path to your accomplishment was full of complications and strife.

What sticks out more? All the troubles you went through or the accomplishment itself? Here’s the thing about struggle – however intensely it weighs on you as it is happening, it passes. I promise you that. You know what will always stick with you? The fact that you did it! You achieved something!

I know that it’s hard right now. Maybe you even feel like you’re wasting your time or that you are actually incapable of redirecting your life in a meaningful way. You have to remember that the better you that is waiting is absolutely worth it. You will be so proud of not giving up; of staying strong and working for it even when it didn’t feel easy.

Remember these things as you commit to the changes you know you need to make. Work hard and stay strong. Your better you will thank you.

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Further Reading:


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What I’ve Learned About Asking for Help

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Since I’m a finalist in a short story writing competition, I’ve been asking friends and family to support me by reading and commenting on my entry. That’s kind of a challenge for someone who hates people reading her work. Don’t get me wrong, I love feedback – from faceless readers! Not people I have to interact with on a regular or semi-regular basis. I think deep down it’s because I am highly performative person and writing is the truest thing I do. It’s like exposing yourself. And I’m not particularly good at doing that with people in my life.

Here’s what I’ve learned about asking for help:

1. It is intimidating.
Asking for help isn’t easy. Apart from a few people that I’m comfortable asking anything from, I cringed every time I had to tell someone I wanted their help for something that would benefit me solely.

2. It feels like nagging.
Despite the fact that I myself am happy to help anyone who asks me for help (if I have the capacity to do so), I found that asking people for help felt like I was pestering them.

3. Receiving help is perversely satisfying.
I have more than 40 comments on my entry and I can’t stop smiling about it. I wish I could say that I’m enjoying this so much because it’s a testament to the goodness of people. But really, my pleasure is entirely selfish because the people who took the time to aid me showed me that I matter to them and mattering matters to me.

4. It opens your eyes.
A significant portion of those 40+ comments are from people who are friends of friends or total strangers. Every single one of their comments (so far) has been positive and wonderful and I guess it just goes to show that people can surprise you. And it makes me feel a lot more confident about my writing which I often hate sharing because when I write, I share my truth and my soul and I’m pretty sensitive about what people will think of it. The overwhelmingly positive responses have been delightful.

5. It makes you wonder about “keeping score”.
I thought a lot about how it was so easy to ask some people and not others. It was very easy to ask my family, for example, because hey, “you do for family”. It was more difficult with more casual acquaintances. And when I’d asked, I wondered if that meant that I owed them now. I think that speaks to how I frequently hold myself to double standards. I am perfectly happy to help someone knowing that I am doing so for the sake of it. I don’t need or expect anything in return. So why don’t I give others the benefit of the doubt? I should probably work on that

Ultimately, I learned that there is no harm in asking. That there’s no weakness in it. And feeling squeamish about it is helps no one and probably points more to internal flaws rather than reflecting the feelings of the people you ask help from.

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HELP ME WIN A SHORT STORY COMPETITION!

Here’s how to help:

* READ MY STORY
* LEAVE A COMMENT
* SPREAD THE WORD

Thank you x